Stupify
by Nicky T
Summary: *complete*A very weird fic, written from Laguna's POV. Very blatantly yaoi, though... there isn't as much .. erm... of -that- as you'd expect. A lot of blackouts in this one... it's an earlier piece I wrote.
1. Prologue

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Prologue||  
  
  
  
It's not about 'that'. It never has been. I mean, as I sit here just   
gazing at him it's painfully clear to me that it's about a whole lot   
more than 'that'. I almost wish it was just.. well, y'know... lust.   
Geez, just thinking the word makes my cheeks burn. I shake my head,   
quickly looking away from him so he won't see the telltale color in   
my cheeks. I wish it was just about lust, but it's not. It's gone way   
beyond that.  
  
I know the moment he looks at me. His eyes burning into my soul. I   
can't meet that deep brown gaze. I can't allow myself to indulge in   
that luxury, I'm too afraid he'll see everything I want to hide.   
  
I love him.  
  
Boy what an idiot I am. He could never feel the same way towards me.   
It's just.. not plausible. He's into females. I know this as well as   
I know that I'm not. Well... maybe I am actually. It's just, with him   
around .. what else is there? No, wait that's not what I meant. What   
I meant was with him around why would I want to look at anyone else?   
Where am I going with this? I'm not sure. I just... I just want him.   
Not just his body. Not just his mind. I want his heart.  
  
He's still staring at me. I can feel his eyes. Gathering my courage I   
raise my eyes hesitantly and meet that questioning gaze. He tilts his   
head. I feel my cheeks getting warmer. I open my mouth, "I... I ..."  
  
His eyebrows raise, the questions clear in his worried gaze. I never   
stutter around him, or Ward. Never. Maybe around other people if I   
get nervous enough, but never around them. Now I've really screwed   
things up haven't I? Make myself look like a fool and then just blurt   
out a confession of my love. Wouldn't that just be brilliant?  
  
But I don't want to tell him. I don't want to risk losing him as a   
friend. He was my friend first, the man I loved after. My best   
friend... why the hell did I have to fall in love with my best   
friend?! The gods must hate me... or maybe ...  
  
Maybe it's my punishment.  
  
For abandoning my children...  
  
For never telling Squall...  
  
Oh, it doesn't matter why I suppose. The why won't change what   
happened. The why won't stop my feelings. No sense crying over   
spilled milk Ward used to say when he could speak. I suppose it's   
true. Somebody tell that to my heart.  
  
"Something wrong?" He asks softly.  
  
He can probably see the warring emotions in my face. He always seems   
to know what I'm thinking... does he know already how I feel? Has he   
figured it out? It would make things a million times easier. If he   
already knows, then I don't have to worry about how he'll react   
because he's acting like nothing happened and... none of this makes   
sense. But then, I never really make sense. Not even to myself.  
  
Wow, but he's beautiful. Just looking at him makes me excited. My   
stomach starts to churn, my eyes blur, my brain shuts down. I want   
him, I love him, I need him.  
  
I find myself leaning towards him until our noses are just touching.   
His eyes are huge, surprised, but I don't give him a chance to say   
anything. I press my lips to his quickly.   
  
I'm in heaven.  
  
Then he pushes against my chest and everything goes black. 


	2. Chapter One

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter One||  
  
  
  
Click.  
  
My dreams, happy dreams of fields of flowers and  
laughing children are rudely interrupted by a loud  
clicking noise. I furrow my brow, turning my head away  
from the noise and trying to retreat back into the  
dream.   
  
Click.  
  
"Laguna?"   
  
I slit my eyes open, looking up at Kiros with a frown.  
"I didn't want to wake you, but we better get moving."  
Kiros whispered, glancing down at me before looking  
away into the trees.  
  
Trees?  
  
Forest?  
  
I sit up quickly, looking around at my surroundings  
with confusion. "Where are we?" More importantly how  
did we get here? What's the last thing I remember? Er,  
lusting afte... oh shit. I kissed him and he pushed me  
away. I must have fainted. But, how did we get outside  
and why is he holding a rifle?  
  
"Sh." Kiros hissed under his breath, not even  
bothering to look back at me as he speaks. Normally he  
faces a person when he's speaking to them, it's this  
weird habit of his. I guess he does it to make sure  
you know he's talking to you. I've only seen him 'not'  
look at me while he's talking to me once, no wait,  
twice. I can't really remember what was going on then,  
but I gue- "I think they've found us." He reaches  
under his shirt and tosses something at me. I catch it  
instinctively, "Put that on."  
  
I look down at what he's given me. It's just a watch.  
Why would he give me a watch? "Kiros," I start  
speaking normally but quickly tone my voice down. I  
crawl over so I'm beside him, "What's going on?"  
  
He glances at me, looks at my forehead then turns  
away. "They must have hit you harder then I thought."   
  
"Hit me?" Curious, I reach up and touch my forehead.  
There's something wet .. why would my forehead be wet?  
I hold my fingers in front of my face and gasp when I  
see the blood finely coating them. "I.. I... I'm  
bleeding."  
  
"Shit." He reaches under his shirt and pulls out a  
handkerchief. He grabs my chin and gently wipes at my  
forehead, "I thought the bleeding stopped. Just relax,  
all right? I don't want you fainting again."  
  
"I.." I can't stand the sight of blood. Especially  
'my' blood. Shuddering I stare at my fingers with wide  
eyes. It smells. I can smell it. Oh man. I'm going to  
be sick.  
  
He grabs my hand and wipes it too, leaving a dull red  
dirt smudge on my fingers. He tucks the handkerchief  
away and grabs my shoulders. "We have to run Laguna."  
His voice is sharp with tension, "You have to keep it  
together until we're out of here."  
  
I nod. I don't know. I don't care. I'm bleeding for  
chrissakes! I start to reach up to touch my forehead  
again and see if it's still bleeding but Kiros' hand  
stops me. "Don't." He says simply, before turning and  
grabbing a familiar weapon that's lying on the ground  
beside me. He thrusts the machine gun into my hands.  
"Use it." He says.  
  
Oh, yeah, right. I'm bleeding my brains out and he  
gives me a weapon! Hell that's intelligent. I could  
pass out while shooting, my finger could stay on the  
trigger and I could accidentally - stop it! I'm  
starting to confuse myself even. Gripping the machine  
gun with both hands I nod at him. Hoping he doesn't  
see the near hysteria mounting in my head.  
  
"When I say so, run for that ridge over there." He  
points to the south, "Don't stop for anything. When  
you're beyond that hill you should find Ward."  
  
"Ward?"  
  
"I radioed him when you got hit. He should be over the  
hill now waiting with our escape vehicle." He turns my  
gun over, checking to make sure the safety is off.  
Hell, I could have done that.. actually, I probably  
wouldn't have thought of it.  
  
I'm trembling. I'm no stranger to battle, why am I  
trembling? Maybe it's just the shock and confusion. I  
have no idea who we're fighting, I have no clue as to  
how I got here and I certainly don't know why I'm  
bleeding. Erg. Blood. It's all over my shirt. Why  
didn't I notice? "Kiros... my.. my shirt..."  
  
"Don't look." He says sharply, "Just run when I say."  
  
I nod, like a good kid. Yeah, right. Whatever.  
Whatever's going on I'll just trust Kiros. He's never  
let me down before. I can trust him. When we're safe  
again and I'm not bleeding like a stuck pig I'll ask  
him what's going on.  
  
"RUN!"  
  
I'm on my feet and running almost before the word is  
fully out of his mouth. I run low, bent over. I hear  
weapons exploding, guns being fired. Bullets whiz past  
my head, pulse beams blast the ground under my feet. I  
don't stop. I don't look back to see if Kiros is  
following me. I just run.  
  
It's not until I trip at the crest of the hill and  
roll down the rest of it to the truck where Ward is  
waiting that I realize I've dropped my machine gun. My  
favorite one too. I gaze up at Ward, his eyebrows are  
raised and he looks mildly amused. "Laguna!" Kiros  
races over the hill and scurries down it. Damn but he  
makes it looks so easy. Why the hell did I trip when  
he just floats down like that?  
  
"Uh, could you go back and get my gun?" I ask softly.  
Ward holds out his hand and I grab it, using it to  
pull myself to my feet. I feel strangely dizzy. No  
wait, maybe it's not strange. I'm bleeding, remember?  
  
"Are you insane?" Kiros responds, but there's some  
amount of relief and amusement in his voice. He opens  
the truck and pushes me in. He jumps in beside me and  
waits, impatiently I might add, for Ward to get into  
the driver's seat.  
  
"Am I still bleeding?" As we tear away, the tires  
squealing, I look up into the rearview mirror and gaze  
at the gash in my forehead. Shit. It's huge. I  
suddenly feel very queasy.  
  
I place my hands over my mouth. I'm sure I must have  
turned green because Kiros swore softly under his  
breath and grabbing the back of my head he pushed my  
head between my legs. "Take deep breaths. It's nothing  
serious Laguna. Just a scratch."  
  
"A scratch the size of Cosmo Canyon!" I yelp, pressing  
my hands against my cheeks and trying to calm myself.  
  
"Just relax." Kiros says, his voice a soft purr.  
  
Wow. I love that voice. I 'do' start to relax. He's  
touching me. Well, just the back of my neck to make  
sure I stay down. He's probably worried if I don't  
calm down I'll puke all over his shoes, but he's still  
touching me. Willingly. I love his hands. My eyes  
drift closed. I forget that I'm bleeding and will die  
for certain if my little 'scratch' isn't bandaged  
soon. I forget the smell of gunpowder and human sweat  
in the air.  
  
I pretend, just for a moment that his touch is  
something more intimate than what it really is.  
  
I'm in heaven.  
  
Click.  
  
Something loud clicks underneath the truck and then  
there's a loud explosion. I hear someone screaming,  
someone else yelling, and I feel vaguely as if I'm  
flying. Bodies smash into my own ...  
  
And then everything goes black. 


	3. Chapter Two

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Two||  
  
  
  
I awake to the smell of blood. I hate the smell so  
much. Slitting my eyes open with a soft groan I sit up  
and do a quick systems check on my body.  
  
Heart?  
  
Beating?  
  
Check.  
  
Chest?  
  
Sore.  
  
Bleeding?  
  
No.  
  
Besides a few aches and pains I know instinctively  
that I'm pretty much fine. After patting every part of  
myself to make sure nothing's bleeding or really hurt,  
I look around. Kiros is lying in a heap several feet  
away. I gasp in fear and scramble over to his side as  
quickly as I can. "Kiros!"  
  
I roll him onto his back and check his pulse, "Kiros!  
Oh god... oh god no... Kiros!" He's not breathing.  
He's still.  
  
Ward kneels beside me and presses two fingers against  
Kiros' neck. He looks at me. Strange. He doesn't speak  
but I always seem to hear his voice in my head.  
Especially at moments like these. 'He's okay.' His  
voice is saying in my head now.  
  
"I dunno' Ward... he doesn't look good." I feel tears  
lumping in my throat. "He doesn't look good at all."  
  
He smiles. Damn but that's annoying. Hello? I'm  
freaking out here, the least he could do is 'pretend'  
to be as worried about Kiros as I am. But no. Don't  
humor the panicky guy. No ever humors the panicky guy.  
Especially when that panicky guy i- Kiros jerked,  
moaning low in his throat and deflecting my thoughts.  
  
"Kiros!" I grab either side of his head with shaking  
hands. "Kiros!"  
  
"If you're crying when I open my eyes I'll-" He  
growls, brow furrowing. He can hear the tears in my  
voice I guess. He knows me better than I know myself.  
  
Or so it seems.  
  
"I'm not crying. Open your eyes." I have to see those  
beautiful chestnut eyes. I have to know he's really,  
truly okay. I would die if he wasn't.  
  
He opens his eyes, looking at me and smirking. "You  
were about to cry." He says softly, before sitting up  
with a soft hiss.  
  
"Dammit! I thought you were dead for a minute there!  
You could have 'told' me you were just passed out!"  
  
He smiles, but the smile fades as he surveys the truck  
parts scattered around us. "A bomb?" He looks at Ward,  
who nods.  
  
"What the hell is going on?!" I demand sharply,  
grabbing his arm.  
  
"No time to explain now." He looks at me, an almost  
sad look on his face, "I'll explain everything when  
we're somewhere safe but we are NOT safe here. C'mon."  
He get to his feet and pulls me up along with him.  
  
He's doing it again.  
  
Touching me without me having to intiate the contact.  
  
It makes my heart flutter, that hand lightly clasping  
my arm.  
  
"You.. You sure you're o-okay?" I stutter, suddenly  
feeling shy.   
  
He looks at me strangely, before he nods and looks  
away. "C'mon, let's get you back to Balamb."  
  
  
~~~~  
  
  
I stare as Squall, Zell and the girl Rinoa walk over  
to us. We've just entered Balamb Garden. It really  
wasn't too hard to get here, after that bomb in the  
truck incident we didn't run into anymore trouble. It  
was a quiet trip... too quiet really. I look closely  
at the girl. She's a pretty little thing. Smart too  
from what I've seen. Perfect for Squall. But Squall  
really doesn't seem too interested in her. At least...  
that's what it looks like to me.  
  
"He was injured." Squall nodded at me as he stopped  
before us.  
  
"A bump in the head, it seems to have wiped his  
memory." Kiros said, a bit carefully.  
  
I looked from Squall to Kiros. Something strange was  
happening between the two. Something I could feel but  
couldn't understand. "Didn't wipe my memory. Just...  
got rid of bits and pieces." I corrected quickly, "I  
can't seem to remember.. how I got into that battle.  
What day is it anyway?"  
  
"Thursday." Squall answered, gazing at me with that  
intense blue gaze of his.  
  
"Thursday?" I repeated, "The last thing I remember  
doing is..." I look at Kiros. Yeah. Is kissing him.  
But I can't really tell them that now can I?  
  
Kiros nods, "You've lost three months then." He says  
softly, looking back to Squall.  
  
Yep. Definately something going on between those two.  
Squall's friend, Zell, bounces nervously on his heels.  
He looks impatient and bored. I watch him, fascinated  
by the energy bubbling beneath the surface of his  
skin. I could practically see it. Especially if I used  
my imagination. He was a handsome young man. Certainly  
not hard to look at. I run my eyes down his lithe  
body. Enjoying what I can see through the clothes,  
regretting what I can't.  
  
Ah!  
  
I feel myself blushing. Quickly I look away before my  
discomfort becomes too apparant. Kiros notices. He  
stares at me hard. Then shrugs. "I'll take him to his  
room and fill him in." He told Squall.  
  
"Okay." Squall nodded, "Bring him to the main office  
in two hours. We have to launch an attack before  
sunset or they'll take control of Deling."  
  
Kiros nodded and started walking away. "H-hey!" I  
jogged after him, "Wait for me!"  
  
I feel like a stupid kid running after him, but ah  
well. What can I do? Can't let him get too ahead of me  
now can I? "What's the big deal? What attack? Who's  
trying to take over Deling?"   
  
He glances down at me, looking amused. "A new army  
appeared. A faction who followed Ultimecia. With her  
defeat they've gathered together and are attacking  
random cities."  
  
"Ultimecia? But... Wasn't she controlling all her  
followers with magic?" I frowned, having a hard time  
understanding and, or, processing what Kiros was  
saying. Ultimecia was dead and still she manages to  
cause trouble? Go figure.  
  
I'm alive and I can't even get laid and yet she  
somehow manages to command loyalty from the grave.  
  
Women.  
  
No wait... sorceresses.  
  
"Some. Most of them followed her willingly." Kiros  
stopped walking, nodding at a tall blond man standing  
near the cafeteria. "Boys like him were brainwashed  
into following her. Others weren't."   
  
"Isn't that..?"  
  
"Seifer. He returned to the Garden." Kiros nodded,  
knowing what I meant before I finished my sentence.  
Damn but I hate that.  
  
There was something almost appealing about the blond  
bully. Even from here there was something vulnerable  
about the way he held himself. He looked up, his eyes  
meeting my gaze. Beautiful eyes. Brilliant in their  
glory. Kiros' hand on my arm makes me jerk and look at  
him questioningly.  
  
"You stopped breathing." He said quietly.  
  
"Oh." I gasped, releasing my pent up breath in a long  
sigh. I got so caught up in that gorgeous gaze that I  
had forgotten to breathe.  
  
I look away from Seifer, focusing on Kiros. "So.. you  
gonna' tell me what's going on?"  
  
"When we reach your room, which will happen quicker if  
we're actually walking."  
  
I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him and  
nod. "Lead the way."  
  
As we walk away from the cafeteria I look back one  
last time.  
  
Blue eyes are still gazing at me.  
  
They clash with my own.  
  
So beautiful. 


	4. Chapter Three

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Three||  
  
  
  
"They call themselves UP, which is short for  
Ultimecia's People. They showed up two weeks after the  
'incident'." The incident being when I kissed him. I  
feel my cheeks blushing as I sit quietly before him.  
He paces the room as he explains, "Squall was named  
the leader of the fight against UP since you were...  
ill. Balamb and Galbadia garden have been leading all  
the counter attacks against UP."  
  
"I was ill?" I interrupt him. I know I promised I  
wouldn't, but I was curious.   
  
He gives me that 'look'. The look that warns me if I'm  
not quiet he'll stop speaking and leave me wallowing  
in confusion. He would too. He's a bastard that way.  
He constantly 'makes' me think before I speak and be  
quiet when others are talking. It's irritating. He  
ignores my question and continues speaking, "The day  
before yesterday you finally recovered and decided to  
join our fight. We travelled to a forest just outside  
of Balamb city to fight a group of UP terrorists  
planning to attack Balamb city. During the battle you  
tripped and smacked your head against a tree. When you  
awoke you had no memory of the last few months... and  
that's about it." Kiros nodded. Why do people nod when  
they're finished a long speech? Are they just assuring  
themselves that they're done or something?  
  
"May I speak now master?" I ask him, unable to keep  
the sarcasm out of my voice.  
  
He looks at me sharply but nods. "I was ill?"  
  
He sighs, "Yes. You had a virus." He looks  
uncomfortable.  
  
So I press the subject. "What kind of virus?"  
  
"Let's just drop it okay? You had a virus. You were  
ill. End of subject."  
  
"But.."  
  
"Enough."  
  
"I just wanna'-"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
I wince, staring at him with surprise. He's never  
yelled like 'that' at me before. Boy is he tense. He  
even looks surprised. He shifts, clearing his throat,  
"I'll be accompanying Squall to Deling, you will stay  
here."  
  
"What? I'm coming too!" I protested. Damned if I'm  
going to stay behind. Nothing worse than being stuck  
in a Garden.   
  
"No. How could you possibly fight in your condition?  
No memory, no gun?"  
  
"I could 'get' a new gun." Come on Kiros. I beg  
mentally. You can't leave me here, surrounded by  
teenagers.  
  
"And you would be uncomfortable with it. Two hours is  
hardly time to get used to a new weapon. No. You'll  
stay here. Find a new weapon if you'd like and train  
while we're gone." Kiros shrugged, walking to the  
window and looking out.  
  
"Damn."  
  
He looks at me, smirking. But as our eyes meet the  
smirk fades and a sad look enters his eyes. I'm  
fascinated by that look. I've never seen him look at  
me, or anyone, like that before. So sad. Like he's  
lost his best friend. He shakes his head slowly,  
averting his gaze once again. "Kiros?" I ask softly,  
"You okay?"  
  
"Get some rest. I'll be back in two hours to escort  
you to the main office." He avoids my gaze as he walks  
to the door, "If your head starts to hurt, go see the  
doctor."  
  
Then he's gone.  
  
I stare at the closed door, wishing him back. But  
wishes don't come true, do they? At least, my wishes  
have never come true. Getting to my feet I walk to the  
window, standing exactly where he had been standing.  
He's gone, but I can still smell him in the room. That  
sweet smell that follows him everywhere. I wonder if  
it's his shampoo or something? Whatever, it smells  
good, real good. Besides that it makes me really  
horny, but.. that doesn't matter.  
  
Funny how scents can turn you on, y'know. There are  
some scents that make you happy, some that make you  
nauseus, and then there are Kiros scents. The kind  
that make you hard and panty. I 'adore' his smell. I  
want to just bottle it up and carry it with me ever...  
no. Wait. Bad idea. People would begin to wonder why I  
carry a stick in my pants.  
  
Well, nothing better to do than sleep. I am kinda'  
tired. Besides, at least in my dreams my wishes 'do'  
come true. Frustratingly so, when I wake up alone, but  
ah well. I gotta' take what I can get right? 


	5. Chapter Four

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Four||  
  
  
  
"You understand?" Squall finished, his eyes hard as he  
stared at me.  
  
He's just finished explaining about UP. Pretty much  
he's just repeated everything Kiros has already told  
me. Including the comment about me not fighting. "Sure  
I understand. All except the part about me not  
fighting." I shrug, "Way I see it I should be out  
there too."  
  
"Hn." Squall looks at Kiros, "You deal with him." He  
says coldly, "We leave now."  
  
"Deal with him?" I look at Kiros with arched eyebrows,  
"Deal with him?"  
  
Kiros looks like he's about to smile, "You'll stay  
here?"  
  
"Yeah... whatever. I'll stay here." With a sigh, I  
agree.  
  
Not much else I can do. I mean, I could argue with him  
until my face turned blue and he'd still stand firm  
dammit. He leaves the office, and I'm left alone. What  
to do? I could go train, but that would bore the hell  
out of me. Especially since I have no one to train  
with.  
  
Somehow, I find a vision of blue, haunted eyes  
floating in my mind. 'Seifer'. I don't imagine he has  
anyone to train with. Maybe he wouldn't mind training  
with me.  
  
So, taking a deep breath and gathering my courage, I  
get to my feet and leave the office.  
  
Time to find Kid Wonder.   
  
  
  
That's my nickname for him. Kid Wonder. He's standing  
in the library, a book in his hand. He's not really  
reading it though. I know this because it's upside  
down. Why isn't he on the mission? No, strike that. Of  
course he's not on the mission. They wouldn't be able  
to trust him. Especially since Ultemicia had used him  
as her slave before.... used him ... as her slave? I  
wonder if... Nah... No way.  
  
She wouldn't do that?  
  
But then... how else would she .. you know.. get  
'lucky'. Geez. Suddenly I feel hot. I play with my  
collar and walk over to the boy, my leg cramping  
painfully as I get close. He doesn't notice me. He's  
staring at two of his class mates who are studying  
together. "..hi."  
  
He jumps, dropping the book. "Oh! Sorry! Didn't mean  
to startle you!" I bend down quickly and grab the  
book. Getting back up... boy. Am I brilliant or what?  
No way will I be able to get back up without help. Not  
with my leg cramping the way it is. "Damn."  
  
He grabs my elbow and pulls me to my feet. I find  
myself blushing. He takes the book from my hands and  
places it on the shelf, "What did you want?" He asked  
curtly.  
  
I find myself liking that voice. It makes my knees  
feel like jelly and... wait. There I go again. Dammit  
all. Either I'm really desperate to 'get some', or I'm  
just a randy bastard by nature. His eyes narrow on my  
face. He looks irritated.  
  
"I uh.. I just... Y-you wanna'.. trainwithme?" I  
manage to gasp out.  
  
Yeah. Aren't I a conversationlist? King of talk here.  
That's me.  
  
He shuts his eyes briefly, looking almost nauseated.  
Then he nods. "Yeah. Do you have a weapon?"  
  
Does EVERYBODY know I lost my gun!? Are their lives so  
boring they have nothing to do but gossip about ME?  
  
"I heard it from Zell, who heard it from Squall, who  
heard it from Kiros." Seifer says shortly. Perhaps he  
saw my thoughts? Grief! Did he absorb some of th-  
  
"No. You're thinking out loud."   
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Does EVERYBODY know I lost my gun!? Are their liv-"  
He says, looking bored.  
  
"Oh my god!" I cover my face with my hands, horrified.  
I cannot BELIEVE I did that! Wait? Am I thinking out  
loud now too? And now?! AND NOW!?  
  
I peek out from between my fingers, he's looking at me  
strangely, but he doesn't comment so I assume I've  
managed to stay quiet. I am SUCH an idiot. "I can get  
a weapon." I mumble.  
  
He nods, then turns and walks away.  
  
Oh yeah... he's just a laid back sort of person isn't  
he? Makes a person feel all warm and comfortable...  
NOT!  
  
  
  
Getting a new machine gun isn't too hard. The new one  
isn't quite the right weight and it feels strange in  
my hands. But I'll have to get used to it quick.  
Together we walk into the training grounds. He's  
walking in that laid back way of his again. Nice  
and brisk. Like he hasn't got a second to spare. Like  
the world will simpl-  
  
"You're thinking aloud again." He says sharply.  
  
Ah shit.  
  
I try to stem my thinking for at least a few moments,  
but find that no matter how I try I can't stay quiet.  
Not even mentally. "So um... why aren't you on the  
mission?" Ah sheeeit. That is 'not' what I intended to  
say. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Me and my big mouth.  
  
He tenses. For a moment the air is charged with  
tension. Then he shrugs, "They don't like me."  
  
"They don't... like you?" What? What does that have to  
do with anything. I don't like my boots but I take  
them with me into battle. Hell, I don't like the  
stupid bullet proof vest Kiros insists I wear but I  
take it into battle too.  
  
"Or more accurately they don't trust me." His lips  
twist up into a bitter smile, "Squall's buddies are  
afraid I'd kill him if they took me on a mission."  
  
He sounds amused.  
  
"Yeah.. I can see how that would be a problem. I  
mean.. if Squall is dead, and you k-kill him then  
well.. the world would just end.. wouldn't it?" I try  
to fuse as much sarcasm into my voice as I can.  
  
He hears it. And he appreciates it. He starts to  
laugh. Genuine, thrilling laughter that makes little  
shivers run up and down my spine. God. He's beautiful.  
What I wouldn't give to just bury myself in him.. ah  
shit! Not again!  
  
This is going to be a /long/ training session.  
  
He walks away, serious again. I watch his beautiful  
ass shifting behind those tight jeans he's wearing.   
  
A /very/ long session. 


	6. Chapter Five

~Stupify~  
  
  
||Chapter Five||  
  
  
  
"Hey, Kid Wonder, I think it'd be best if we /avoid/  
the T-Rexes. I mean I'm not really up to par here. I  
don't think we-" He's staring at me with this really  
intense expression. "Wh-what?"  
  
"Kid Wonder?" He arches his eyebrows, looking none too  
amused.  
  
"Er.. Ahem..." What do I say to that? Me and my big  
mouth. "It's uh..... Sorry."  
  
He stares at me, unblinkingly for a moment, then turns  
away. He's holding his sword out by his side, he  
shifts it in his hands, "The T-rexes are in the  
eastern region. If we stay on the west side we'll just  
run into bugs."  
  
"All right. Sounds good." He stalks away, not once  
looking back to make sure I'm following. Either he's  
confident I will follow or he just doesn't care. "Bugs  
aren't a big deal. I remember killing bugs as a job  
once. Heh. Didn't take much really, but I got paid  
pretty well."  
  
He ignores me. He isn't exactly the best person I  
could have picked to be a training partner, but his  
ass more than.. I mean, his uh, fighting skills more  
than make up for his lack of personality. In a strange  
way he reminds me a lot of Squall. Quiet. Short when  
he talks. Straight to the point about everything.  
Those two should get together. I bet they'd make a  
good pair.  
  
"So uh..." I'm not sure what to say but I really,  
/really/ hate this silence. It's driving me insane.  
  
Kid Wonder sighs and turns to me, his brows slanted in  
a disapproving frown, "Are you always so noisey?" He  
demands sharply.  
  
"Are you always so damn quiet?!" I respond quickly.  
  
He shakes his head with a tiny sigh. "We're here to  
train, not to chit chat."  
  
"So what? Haven't you ever chit-chatted while you  
train? Or is this something that would be too hard for  
you?"   
  
With another irritated sigh he turns away. "Just shut  
up."  
  
"Meowr." I hiss softly under my breath at his back.  
His shoulder's tense, so I know he heard, but he  
doesn't comment. Oh well. Probably for the best. No  
reason to start a fight with him. Damn, what is it  
with these super-kids? They don't like talking. The  
whole lot of them are so intense it makes my stomach  
ache, and each one is more beautiful than the next.  
It's enough to drive a guy like me insane.  
  
  
  
"All right. You had enough?" Kid Wonder turns to me  
and arches his eyebrows.  
  
"Y-yeah." Like he can't tell. I can hardly catch my  
breath after that last little fight. I mean, what's my  
problem! Sure I haven't been fighting much lately,  
from what Kiros told me, but surely that's no excuse  
for me being so damn weak. My arm aches from using the  
machine gun and my legs, Man! They're killing me. I'm  
surprised the cramps in my right leg haven't started  
yet. It's strange really. Come to think of it the  
/cramps/ should be killing me by now. But there's  
nothing. Just general, all around, muscle aches.  
  
"We'll call it a day then." He swings his sword and  
sheaths it in one smooth move. Impressive.  
  
Everything about him is just damn- "Well?" He demands,  
looking irritated.  
  
"Huh?" What? What's he talking about?  
  
"I asked if getting a drink at the cafeteria sounds  
good." He says shortly, looking uncomfortable.  
  
Wait... drink.. as in he and I together at a table..  
almost like a... "Date?"  
  
"No!" He snaps, "Not a date you idiot. I.." His voice  
trails off. He closes his mouth with a audible snap.  
"Never mind. Just forget it."  
  
"No, no, no! Wait! I uh, let's go get a drink. We  
could both use one after that workout, ne?" I smile my  
most winning smile at him, or at least I try. I'm not  
sure if I succeeded or not.  
  
He shrugs, "All right."   
  
I don't know why exactly, but suddenly I feel happy.  
Very, very happy. But wait! I'm in love with Kiros.  
Why should I be so happy about this small breakthrough  
with Kid Wonder? He's walking away so I tuck the  
thoughts safely in the back of my brain. I'll worry  
about it later.   
  
  
  
Wow. Am I drooling? I can't help it. He's beautiful.  
No, wait. Correct that. He's not beautiful. He's  
handsome. And yes, there is a difference. Beautiful is  
breathtaking. Beautiful makes your heart stop and your  
jaw drop. Handsome on the other hand is attractive. I  
mean, handsome won't make you do the stupid things  
beautiful will. Let's put this simply: Beautiful will  
turn your brain off. Handsome will not.  
  
Yeesh. My thoughts wander too much. He's saying  
something to me and I can't even really hear it. I  
have to focus to catch the end of his sentence. And  
believe me, focusing at this moment is not easy.  
  
"-he never seems to get any." He lifts his cup to his  
lips, but strangely enough he doesn't drink. He just  
stares into the cup.  
  
"Sex?" The word pops out of my mouth before I can stop  
it. His eyebrows lift and he looks at me, his eyes  
hard. I feel heat blushing my cheeks.  
  
He lowers the cup, eyes darting away. "No. Hotdogs.  
Were you listening to me?" He sounds pissy. Er, that  
is he sounds irritated.  
  
"Um... no. Sorry. My thoughts kind of wandered off to  
another dimension." I admitted sheepishly, "I uh,  
didn't mean to. It's just sometimes my thoughts bounce  
around so much I can't really-"  
  
"I noticed." He interrupted me shortly.  
  
"You're not going to be offended are you? I don't do  
it because I find people boring. I mean, I've even  
wandered off on Kiros before. Man, it bugs the hell  
out of him." I laugh, trying not to sound too nervous.  
I really don't want him to stop talking. It would be a  
tragedy. "And if I adore anyone it's Kiros." Wow. I am  
such an idiot. "I mean, uh, I adore his opinion that  
is."  
  
His lips tilt in a small smirk, "You adore him." He  
snorts, "Everyone knows it but you."  
  
"WHAT?!" I know my mouth is hanging open but damn! I  
can't believe what he just said.  
  
He rolls his eye with a long-suffering sigh. "Listen,  
we've all seen you panting after him. Everybody in the  
damn garden thinks it's adorable. I, on the other  
hand, think it's just annoying."  
  
Wow. He's just full of surprises. "Everybody?" I  
repeat softly. I find my eyes darting around the  
cafeteria. There are quite a few people looking at us.  
  
  
"Everybody with brains and eyeballs." That smirk tilts  
his lips again, "Chicken-wuss doesn't know." He  
snickers.  
  
"Shit." I bury my face in my hands, "And Kiros? Does  
he know?"  
  
"He'd have to be stupid not to."   
  
"Kiros is not stupid!" Immediately I jump to Kiros'  
defence. His smirk grows into a full-out smile. It's  
the first real smile I've seen on those lovely lips. I  
would drool, if I wasn't so worried he was insulting  
Kiros.  
  
"Of course not." He shrugs, "So everybody knows how  
you feel, except you."  
  
"I know how I feel... I... I just.." Never imagined  
everybody else knew. Shit. I should have known. I  
can't hide anything. I've always been miserable when  
it comes to hiding my emotions from people. Come to  
think of it, I wasn't really trying to hid my  
feelings.. was I? I didn't think there was any need  
to. I really, honestly, didn't imagine anyone would  
ever recognize.. my feelings for Kiros.  
  
"Are afraid to say anything?" He stares into his cup  
again, wrapping his fingers around it. "Nobody thinks  
badly of you, if that helps. The girls think it's  
sweet and most of the boys would rather not think  
anything."  
  
"I don't care about everyone else." Well.. not really.  
I mean, here at the garden it doesn't matter. But what  
about back at Esthar? The President of Esthar is in  
love with a man. Wouldn't that be a great headline?  
How would the country respond to that? There are  
strick rules in Esthar... I don't know them yet, but  
I'm sure Kiros or Ward will know. "All I care about is  
Kiros... do you think... do you...?"  
  
"I don't know. From what I've seen he respects you  
greatly as a friend, as for anything beyond that," he  
shrugged, "I have no idea."  
  
"Damn." I drop my head onto the table and close my  
eyes. "I didn't want to deal with this now."  
  
"Deal with this? You think love is such a great  
chore?" He sounds more than a little disapproving.  
  
His tone surprises me. Since when does Kid Wonder care  
about love? I rest my chin on my arms and tilt my head  
so I can see him. His face is carefully guarded. "I  
wish I could read you as well as everyone seems to be  
able to read me." I'm surprised to hear my own voice.  
I hadn't meant to speak aloud. Shit, me and my big  
mouth. Come to think of it isn't my mouth that's to  
blame. It's my stupid head. If only I could not think  
so much. Maybe I wouldn't get confused and  
accidentally think aloud so much.  
  
He raises his eyebrows, "You wish you could read me?  
Do I look like a book?" He says sarcastically.  
  
"No... Love isn't a chore. Losing my best friend, on  
the other hand, would be horrible. What if I tell him  
how I feel and.. he can't stand to be around me  
anymore?"  
  
"He knows how you feel. Why do you think you voicing  
these feelings would make such a difference?"  
  
"But what if he doesn't know?" I sit up, leaning back  
in my chair and wrapping my arms tightly around my  
waist.  
  
"He knows! We all aren't as dense as you are."  
  
Ouch. That was harsh. "Yeah..." Man, my stomach is  
aching. I feel ill. Like, really ill. "I.. I guess  
not." I gotta' get out of here, before I do something  
stupid like pass out or woof my cookies all over his  
lap. I get to my feet, wavering unsteadily. Damn, my  
knees feel like jelly.  
  
"I.. I didn't mean-" He gets to his feet also. I don't  
look at his face. I can't. 'We all aren't as dense as  
you.' Wow... I just.. I know it's true but.. no one  
has ever said it to my face.  
  
"Thanks for training with me." I interrupt him before  
he can continue, "I.. think I'd better.."  
  
Quite suddenly the world is tilting. I feel so  
strange. My head is tingling. My ears are buzzing.  
Black spots fill my vision and for one brief moment I  
can't feel my body. When the black spots clear I'm  
lying on my back. Kid Wonder if leaning over me, his  
face contorted. He looks worried? Why would he be  
worried? For that matter, why am I on the floor? How  
did I get here?  
  
Voices are buzzing around the room. They're so loud,  
and so fast I can't understand what anyone is saying.  
Kid Wonder is speaking to me, or at least.. I think he  
is. I can't hear a word he's saying so.. maybe he's  
just moving his lips? Or maybe he's talking to someone  
else.  
  
Oh, what does it matter? I'm so tired. My stomach  
hurts so much. My skin feels as if it's burning. I'm  
so hot. I can feel the heady grips of sleep playing at  
the back of my brain. I have two options. I can stay  
awake in this confusion, or I can succomb to sleep.  
  
Well...  
  
what would you choose?  
  
I close my eyes. Within seconds I feel myself drifting  
away.. into dreams... into oblivion? Who cares  
anymore... 


	7. Chapter Six

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Six||  
  
  
  
Sometimes I really hate my life.  
  
It's not moments like these that I do though. Kid  
Wonder is leaning over me, his hands on my face.  
"Laguna? Laguna, wake up." He sounds anxious. I like  
the way he sounds when he's anxious. It's kind of  
nice.  
  
"Please." He begs softly.  
  
Sure, babe. He's so close, and so cute. And I'm so  
fuzzy from passing out. Damn it all, I'll just excuse  
it on disorientation. Heh.  
  
I reach up, with arms that are shaking, grab his head  
and pull him down until our lips meet. His lips are  
soft and sweet. They taste good. Almost as good as  
Kiros' did. But kissing him brings none of the  
excitement or joy that kissing Kiros had brought. Oh  
well. Guess I'm a one-man kind of guy.  
  
After a moment of playing with those delicious, stiff  
lips I pull back. Reluctantly I open my eyes. Kid  
Wonder has his eyes tightly shut, he looks like he's  
in pain. Oh shit. "Seifer?"  
  
His eyes flutter open. He's panting for air. His eyes  
are.. so naked. So full of pain and confusion. I run  
my hand down his cheek. Now I really feel like shit. I  
shouldn't have kissed him. Dammit, what's wrong with  
my head?  
  
Oh. My stomach. Moaning softly, I squeeze my eyes  
tightly shut as the most intense pain grips my  
stomach. Shit, shit, shit. That hurts.  
  
"Laguna?" His voice is breathless, concerned.  
  
"Holy christ." I gasp through tightly clenched teeth.  
"What...what the hell... do they put.. in those hot  
dogs?"  
  
"Hey man. We should take him to the infirmary." A  
student kneels beside Kid Wonder, he looks down at me  
worriedly.  
  
"I'll take him." And suddenly I'm in Kid Wonder's  
arms.   
  
I think I'm turning into a hentai.  
  
Despite the fact I -know- I'm not in love with the kid  
I still find myself wanting to wrestle him to the  
ground and-ouch! "Ooo... kill me. Please?" I look up  
at him hopefully, pressing against my stomach with all  
my strength.  
  
His lip curls up in a sneer, "Quit being a goddamn  
baby and shut up." He snaps.  
  
"Who shoved that-ow ow ow-stick up your ass?"  
  
This time his lip is curling in something closer to a  
smile. Very softly he whispers, "You."  
  
I wish.  
  
And from the look on his face, so does he.  
  
  
  
"Hmph. I don't know why you're in such pain." Dr.  
Kadowaki shoves another needle into my arm, in this  
day and age I can't imagine WHY they're still used,  
and frowns. "The scans show nothing."  
  
"It's those damned hot dogs." I'm feeling better. Even  
though I hate those stupid needles, whatever is in  
them has taken away the pain in my stomach almost  
completely. But it hasn't helped the light-headness or  
horniness.  
  
Horniness? Is that a word? Wish I had a dictionary.  
  
Not that is really matters. Who's going to correct me?  
  
Sometimes I worry about things that shouldn't be  
worried about. Know what I mean? Stupid things that  
don't matter in the end anyway.  
  
"OW!" He pokes me in the arm to get my attention.  
  
"Hm. I recommend bed rest, and that you stop  
daydreaming." Dr. Kadowaki says with the faintest  
smile.  
  
"What has daydreaming got to do with my health!?" I  
snap in response. Dammit, why does everyone bug me  
about daydreaming?!  
  
"Let's assume you're in the middle of a battle, right?  
You're fighting, and then suddenly your mind wanders  
off into daydream paradise. WHAM! You get hit in the  
head and you're dead. Hm? See my point. Daydreaming  
isn't good."  
  
Oh yeah. The doc sure is a card.  
  
A sick, nasty, sharp edged card.  
  
"Seifer, see to it that he gets to his room and rests  
hm?"  
  
"Right." Kid Wonder nods.   
  
Then the doc is gone and I'm left alone... with -him-.  
What do you say to someone you've just kissed? "I'm  
sorry." He speaks before I can think of anything -to-  
say. "Shit Laguna, I didn't mean to say that. I  
certainly didn't mean to hurt you..."  
  
"Hey! It's all right. Hakuna matata." I shrug with a  
big grin. I hate to quote my son but; Whatever. It  
really doesn't matter. Not anymore. What matters is-  
"I'm sorry for kissing you." Yeesh. I'm one rude  
bastard. Interrupting myself even!  
  
He looks away, turning his back to me and walking to  
the window. "Are you?"  
  
"Well... not really. You taste real good but... ah  
shit!" I did NOT mean to say that. I watch his back  
anxiously, "Er, I mean... uh.. Look, I was disoriented  
from passing out and for a moment I thought..."  
  
"I was Kiros?"  
  
His voice is sharp, angry. What the hell? What is  
angry about? Me kissing him? Or me kissing him because  
I thought he was Kiros? "Er... yeah."  
  
"It doesn't matter." He whirls around, stalking to the  
bed, "C'mon. You need rest."  
  
"Right." I slide off the side of the bed and slowly  
follow him out of the room. 


	8. Chapter Seven

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Seven||  
  
  
  
Pop.  
  
Snap.  
  
Pop.  
  
Snap.  
  
"Uh... Seifer..?"  
  
He looks up, brows raised in question. "Could you stop  
that?" He's driving me insane.   
  
"Stop.. what?" He asks, tilting his head ever so  
slightly.   
  
"Cracking your knuckles." I can't stand it when people  
crack their knuckles. I remember one time when Kiros,  
Ward and I were being held prisoner. I don't remember  
much about our time in the prison, hell I don't even  
remember our escape. Kiros has told me that I was the  
one who led the escape but I don't know about that.  
But, what I remember about our time in that prison was  
the knuckle cracking. Or should I say bone cracking?  
  
It was a form of punishment. Disobey prison rules and  
they'd break your bones. Yeah, I know knuckle cracking  
isn't quite the same thing but when I hear the popping  
and snapping... I have visions of ... Well... you  
know.  
  
His eyes narrow. For a moment I'm sure he'll say no,  
but then he surprises me and mutters, "Okay."  
  
He asked me to join him here last night, after taking  
me back to my room. I was surprised, but I accepted.  
So, now, after training we're sitting in the  
cafeteria. He's not talking. Just like he didn't speak  
much yesterday. But there's something different about  
him. Something different about the way he looks at me.  
Something different about the way he sounds when he  
-does- speak to me. It's disturbing.  
  
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Kid Wonder asks  
suddenly.  
  
"Uh.. sure." I shrug, what could he possibly want to  
ask me? My heart starts beating just that much faster.  
I hope I don't embarass myself. Shit. I should have  
said no.  
  
"Well, uh, I k-know that you were in l-love with  
R-raine and... and.." He's stuttering. My god... since  
when does the perfect Kid Wonder stutter? "I-I was..  
wondering... how do you tell.." His voice drops,  
becoming so low I have to lean forward to catch his  
words, "When you're in love?"  
  
He won't meet my gaze. What a question... how do you  
tell when you're in love? "That's a hard one." I find  
myself muttering as I lean back and rub my chin. How  
-do- you tell when you're in love? How did I know I  
was in love with Raine? Or.. even Kiros. How do I know  
I'm in love with him? "Everyone.. is different when it  
comes to love." I murmur softly, choosing my words  
carefully. "But, the way I knew I was in love..  
well.."   
  
I think about Raine. Beautiful, sweet Raine. A smile  
curves my lips. "I knew I was in love with Raine when  
I couldn't stand the thought of her being out of my  
sight. I loved looking at her. Just watching her. The  
simplest thing.. would make my heart ache. It's  
funny.. love is supposed to be a positive emotion, but  
my heart ached alot when I was in love with Raine." I  
laugh, thinking of all the times I'd made a fool of  
myself in front of her. But she loved me anyway. No  
matter how idiotic I looked.. she loved me. "She was  
so perfect... to me anyway. I loved everything about  
her..."  
  
He's staring at me with this really sad look on his  
face. I shake my head slowly, my smile gone. "Love  
is.. enigmatic. Y'know? It's not something that.. can  
be .." I chew on my lower lip, "Listen, only -you-  
will know when you're in love Seifer. And trust me,  
you'll know."  
  
"Laguna?" He shifts uncomfortably, meeting my gaze  
even though it's obvious he's having a hard time doing  
so.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Suddenly his hands are on my shoulders and he's  
pulling me towards him. I squeak in surprise but  
before I can speak he's kissing me. Those soft, sweet  
lips taste.. so nice. He pulls back, tears in his  
eyes. Tears?   
  
"Laguna... I.. I love you." He whispers. Then he's on  
his feet and gone.  
  
I don't have a chance to react.  
  
I stare at the spot where he'd been sitting, my mind  
numb with shock.  
  
Holy shit.  
  
My life just gets better and better.  
  
  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
He stiffens when he hears my voice. He grips his  
gunblade in both hands, turning to stare in my general  
direction. I say in my general direction because he  
doesn't actually look -at- me. He doesn't speak, just  
stares, his hands clenched so tightly his knuckles are  
white.  
  
"Mind if I.. join you?" I hold up my machine gun with  
a sheepish smile.  
  
He shrugs and turns away.  
  
All right. Step one completed. Now what? What do I  
say? What can I say? Listen kid, I'm in love with  
Kiros and much as I like you... no. That wouldn't  
work. Seifer, I respect you. You're a great kid but...  
no. That wouldn't work either.  
  
He's ahead of me now. I'm so busy thinking of what to  
say that I don't notice when we enter the west side.  
That is, I don't notice until we come upon the biggest  
freakin' T-Rex to ever grace the training area. Oh  
crap... Out of the pot, into the fire.  
  
"Use your GF!" Kid Wonder snaps as he raises his  
gunblade and charges the large beast.  
  
GF? What GF? I didn't equip GF! "I uh... I..."  
  
"What are you waiting for?!" He screams, hopping out  
of the way as the T-Rex swats at him with one huge...  
paw?  
  
"I don't have any GF's."  
  
His face registers a brief moment of shock. He meets  
my gaze. "Shit." He mutters.  
  
"Well, don't you have any?" I ask, raising the machine  
gun and unleashing a round of fire at the T-Rex.  
  
It roars and swats again. Dumb shit probably thinks  
we're just little bugs. Without GF's... we may as well  
be.  
  
"The only GF's I have equipped wouldn't do shit all  
against a T-Rex." He snaps, turning his face away and  
raising the gunblade.  
  
He rushes.  
  
I watch as the blade slashes into the T-Rex's side. I  
hear the bang as Kid Wonder's gunblade explodes. I  
watch as Kid Wonder dodges a blow from a huge leg and  
runs back to my side. "Shall we run?" I ask him.  
  
"Yeah." He responds quickly, "Head for the trees. We  
might be able to lose it in there."  
  
"Right."  
  
And we run.  
  
As the world rushes past I can't help thinking that we  
have no chance in the world to outrun a T-Rex.  
  
Suddenly something hits me in the back so hard I'm  
lifted off my feet.  
  
I'm flying.  
  
All my life I've wanted to fly. Here I am flying and  
all I can think is how much I -don't- want to fly.  
Ironic? Ne?  
  
I would have laughed if I wasn't so busy shitting my  
pants.  
  
Oh yes, but the fates are kind. A nice tree reaches  
out to stop my flight. Impacting with the tree hurts  
more than whatever it was that sent me on this flight  
in the first place.  
  
Finally I stop moving.  
  
My stomach doesn't. I lean over and puke so hard I'm  
sure my intestines are now lying on the ground. Then  
the world grows dim.  
  
I just lay there panting, listening to the screams of  
a human and a beast.   
  
Holy shit.  
  
Isn't my life just great? Wanna' trade places for  
awhile.... please? 


	9. Chapter Eight

~Stupify~  
  
  
Dedicated to: Kitty! THANK YOU SO MUCH!  
  
Notes: Laguna's mothers song is not mine. It was  
written by the talented and beautiful Kitty. *grin*  
Yes, I'm a terrible suck up, but if not for her this  
chapter might not have happened. Heh. Okay, so I'm  
exaggerating but... ah shush! Literary license! I got  
it! Heh.  
  
  
  
||Chapter Eight||  
  
  
  
"Laguna?! Laguna!"  
  
When I was a child, I can remember my mother used to  
sing to me when I was hurt. While she was tending my  
wounds and putting on bandages or whatever, she would  
sing. Always a different song but the one I remember  
the most goes like this: 'Sweet child of love, don't  
you cry. For there are angels, who stand by your  
side.' Her singing would always make me feel better.  
  
Right now, I can hear her voice. And somehow, just the  
memory of her voice makes my aching back feel better.  
  
"LAGUNA! Don't you DARE die on me! Not again!"  
  
What? Reluctantly I open my eyes and stare up at Kid  
Wonder. He looks strange. Kind of contorted and fuzzy.  
Does he have three eyeballs? Strange. I never noticed  
that before.  
  
A guy having three eyeballs. That's something you'd  
think I'd notice. My vision clears, reluctantly I  
might add. He looks so worried... again. For the  
second time in two days I've managed to worry him.  
This kid who I thought couldn't feel emotion at  
all....  
  
He's staring at me as if... as if he would die if I  
did.  
  
No one's ever looked at me like that before. It's  
unnerving. "T-Rex?" I can't hear it anymore. "Hey, you  
all right?" His shirt is all bloody... ugh... blood.  
  
"This isn't my blood." He puts a hand under my  
shoulder and helps me sit. "Are you okay?" He asks  
breathlessly.  
  
"Sure.. sure.. just a little bruised." There, just a  
few feet away lies that blasted T-Rex.. and it's..  
dead? "Ho... how did you kill it?" I've never heard of  
-anyone- killing a T-Rex alone. Especially not without  
a GF.  
  
"When I saw you.. go down I thought.. I thought it had  
killed -you-." He says softly, his arm is resting  
around my shoulders. He pulls me close and buries his  
head in my hair, "Oh god... I thought it killed you."  
  
"It's all right... I'm still kicking." I pat his  
shoulder. How do you comfort someone? No, let me  
rephrase that, how do you comfort someone you're more  
than likely to jump if they keep touching you and  
making you feel oh-so-good? You can't hug them,  
because then you wouldn't be able to.. ahem, contain  
yourself.   
  
"Christ Laguna." He pulls back, grabbing either side  
of my head. His eyes meet mine, "I couldn't... I  
couldn't live if you died..."  
  
"Oh.. I dunno." I laugh nervously, "I think you'd...  
get over me real quick..."  
  
"No!" His eyes harden, as does his jawline. It's a  
fascinating transition. This is the Kid Wonder I like.  
The boy who looks like a serious bad-ass. The boy who  
looks like he could take on the world, and win.   
  
He probably would to. He's strong. He's been through a  
lot of shit. I respect that in him. He drops his hands  
and gets up. His gunblade is lying beside me. It's  
covered in blood. Trying to stem the natural reaction,  
which would be to do more passing out or something  
equally inane, I grab the handle and lift the weapon.  
It's heavy. I didn't expect it to be so heavy.  
  
I turn it experimentally, fascinated. Tentatively I  
place my finger over the trigger and lift the gunblade  
as I would my machine gun. I sight carefully, and  
pull.   
  
Bang.  
  
Holy shit! That was awesome. Absolutely no recoil!!  
What a weapon! Course, it can only shoot one bullet at  
a time, that sucks. And it takes a great amount of  
practice to be able to use the gunblade correctly in  
battle. Think I'll stick to my machine gun.. but  
still. It's a... cool weapon.  
  
I glance up, feeling eyes on me. Kid Wonder is staring  
down at me, his brows arched. "Quite finished?" he  
asks, his voice oddly cold.  
  
"Yeah. Heh. Sorry. I've never held one before." I hand  
the gunblade to him, then use the tree as support as I  
pull myself to my feet.  
  
"Your machine gun?" He frowns, looking around, "I  
haven't seen it."  
  
"I landed on it." I produce the weapon in question and  
grin. "First rule of combat; Never let go of your  
weapon. No matter if you've just been batted in the  
back by a T-rex and are flying through the air at  
sixty miles per hour.. you never let go of your  
weapon." I grimace, "If you do, you lose it. For  
good."  
  
"Hn." He sheaths the gunblade, "If you had gone by  
that rule earlier you wouldn't be here now.. you'd be  
in battle with Kiros and the others."  
  
"Yeah.. I guess." But I'm not sure that would have  
been... good. I mean, since I was forced to stay  
here.. I got a chance to know him. That's something  
I'll treasure forever.  
  
  
  
The stars are so ... breathtaking. I place my hands  
behind my head and smile up at the sky. Yep. I could  
lay like this forever, just staring at the night sky.  
Being lazy and pretending my body doesn't ache. I  
kinda' feel like I've been run over by a truck or  
something. Trees are evil. They really are.  
  
He's lying beside me. I was surprised when he asked me  
to come out here with him, but I'm glad he did. I feel  
more and more guilty when I'm with him though. Because  
... I know how he feels. We haven't talked about it  
since his startling confession. I wish.. I could talk  
to him about it, but I don't know what to say.  
  
"How do you feel?" His voice breaks the silence. I  
don't mind.  
  
"Like hell..." I turn my head so I can see his  
profile. He's staring up at the sky too. He's got a  
great profile. Strong. Proud. "What about you?"  
  
He shrugs. "Laguna...?"  
  
"Yeah?" Uh oh. This doesn't sound good.  
  
"You love Kiros?"  
  
"Huh... well..." I feel my cheeks growing hot.  
  
His lips curve down. Wow. Doesn't he look happy? Erg,  
what did I say? "Do you love him Laguna?" He asks  
again, his voice sharp.  
  
"Y-yeah. I.. I guess I do." I've never said it out  
loud though. And I've certainly never told anyone. But  
he knows already, so what's the harm in telling him?  
  
"Tell him." He says softly. He turns his head. His  
gaze clashes with mine. So intense. His eyes are  
always so intense.  
  
"T-tell.. him?" I repeat, feeling as if I'm in a daze.  
He's got me under a spell. Some weird, screwed up  
spell.  
  
"He'll be back tomorrow morning... tell him." He  
repeats quietly.  
  
"I... I..."  
  
He places his finger against my lips to shut me up.  
His touch makes me ache. Damn... I'm desperate aren't  
I? Can anyone say: horny? desperate? needy? pervert?  
  
That sorta' has a nice ring.. doesn't it? Horny,  
desperate, needy, pervert. Heh. My new anthem.  
  
"You tell him, as soon as you see him again." His  
voice rumbles in my head.  
  
"All right." I agree softly.  
  
His face is so sad. So... .... He moves his hand... ah  
shit.. he's going to kiss me again. I should move  
away...  
  
But I don't.  
  
I don't really want to.  
  
See? I told you... I'm a hentai.  
  
His lips press against mine ever so softly. His eyes  
remained locked with mine as he nibbles at my lower  
lip. "I'm sorry." He whispers as he moves back.  
  
"Sorry for what?" I stutter, my brain has shut off. It  
does that when I get anywhere close to anything  
remotely resembling sex.... sheeit... I'm like some  
teenager in puberty or something.  
  
I feel him before I see him.  
  
I turn, looking up.  
  
His brown eyes... so warm... he looks at me, his face  
hard, then he turns and...  
  
"KIROS!?" I scramble to my feet and try to run after  
him, but I succeed only in tripping over my own feet  
and landing face first in the grass.  
  
"Kiros?!" Kid Wonder rolls to his knees and looks into  
the trees.   
  
"He was here! oh my god.. oh my god... I hope he  
didn't... oh christ." I get back to my feet. I have to  
go after him. If he saw us kissing...  
  
Ah shit.  
  
"Shit!" Kid Wonder snaps vehemently. He's on his feet  
before I can think of moving. He's past me and running  
into the trees.  
  
Damn... damn, damn, damn...  
  
I run after Kid Wonder. I have to find Kiros. I have  
to...  
  
Explain? Explain why I was kissing Kid and enjoying  
it. Explain why... why I..   
  
I run into something large and hard. I hit it so hard  
I'm unbalanced. I feel myself falling, but large hands  
grab my arms.  
  
Ward?  
  
I look up into his face.  
  
Where did he come from?  
  
"Ward? Where is Kiros? I have to find him." I ask him  
desperately.  
  
He shakes his head. "What?" I glance over his  
shoulder.  
  
He nods, communicating with his eyes all that he  
cannot say with his lips. "But Ward.. I have to-"  
  
He shakes his head again. Gripping my left arm tightly  
he begins to lead me off the training grounds. "Ward!"  
  
He ignores my struggles to get away and just keeps  
walking.  
  
Big.. dumb... ox.  
  
His eyes narrow. He looks down at me, his lips drawn  
in a tight line.   
  
Shit.  
  
"I uh... didn't mean it?"  
  
Yeah. I think out loud when I'm stressed. Bad habit.  
Really bad. Especially when you're mentally calling  
one of your best friends a big, dumb ox.  
  
Kiros?  
  
I glance back, one last time. And then the training  
ground doors swing shut and Ward is dragging me to my  
room. 


	10. Chapter Nine

~Stupify~  
  
  
Quick note: The closer to the end I get.. .the faster  
I write. ~_^* More serious than the other fics. I'm  
sorry about that but.. *shrug* There is a time to  
laugh, and a time to cry. ~_^* Feedback is more than  
welcome!  
  
  
||Chapter Nine||  
  
  
  
Left.  
  
Wall.  
  
Turn.  
  
Right.  
  
Wall.  
  
Turn.  
  
Ward is standing by the door, glowering at me. I  
ignore him and continue my pacing.  
  
Left.  
  
Wall.  
  
Turn.  
  
I stop abruptly and bury my hands in my hair. I tug,  
hard. The uncomfortable sensation helps clear my head.  
Where is Kiros? And Kid? What is Kiros thinking? Why  
did he look so... upset? Could he really have feelings  
for me? Could he... does he think Kid and I are..  
together?  
  
"Ah Kiros." I moan, slumping against the wall.  
  
Ward watches me silently. "Shit Ward, I bet you know  
too eh? Everybody seems to."  
  
Ward nods. "So, I've been wandering around drooling  
over Kiros, thinking it was my little secret, while  
all the time you guys knew?"  
  
Another nod. "Shit." Am I so transparent?  
  
The door opens. I straighten, biting my lip. Kiros  
enters the room. He gestures at Ward, and Ward leaves  
the room immediately, closing the door behind him.  
  
"So uh... look Kiros what you saw-"  
  
Kiros cuts me off with a gesture. "It doesn't matter."  
He says coldly.  
  
"Doesn't... matter?" Yeah... why should it? He's  
just... just a friend... isn't he?  
  
He walks across the room and stares out the window,  
"You don't remember anything?" He asks softly.  
  
"N-no. Nothing be-before I k.. kissed you."  
  
He turns, his eyes cutting into my soul. He looks so  
hard. So cold. Almost angry. "You -never- kissed me."  
He snaps viciously.  
  
"I.. but I.. did..." I feel my cheeks flushing as a  
sick feeling grips my stomach. I bite my lower lip as  
hard as I can and lean back against the wall.  
  
"No! Laguna kissed me, you did not."  
  
"Wh-what?!" And I thought -I- was the crazy one.  
  
"I don't know how you ended up with that particular...  
memory. It wasn't programmed into you." Kiros turns  
back to the window.  
  
"Programmed... into me?" My head is buzzing. I can  
hardly hear him. My vision is filling with little  
black dots.  
  
"You really can't remember?" He glances over his  
shoulder.  
  
I shake my head. My mouth is full of cotton and I  
can't speak. The hair on my arms is standing on end.  
It does that when something big is about to happen.  
Kiros used to tease me about being psychic, because I  
always know when something life changing is on it's  
way.  
  
He whirls and walks across the room until he's right  
in front of me. I raise my eyes reluctantly, and meet  
his gaze. "Laguna is dead."   
  
.....  
  
"But... but how can he be dead? I'm Laguna." I  
whisper. Funny how I referred to myself in the third  
person. Doesn't make much sense... doesn't make much  
sense at all..  
  
"After that incident, when -he- kissed me, UP showed  
themselves for the first time. They attacked Esthar.  
We were completely unprepared. Laguna died in that  
battle."  
  
"No... no, no." I gasp, wrapping my arms around my  
waist. This can't be real. It can't be right. He's..  
he's playing some sick game with me. He has to be.  
  
"You.. you are.." He hesitates, his eyes darting away.  
He paces across the room. He stops on the other side  
of the room and buries his head in his hands, "I  
couldn't... they.."  
  
"Tell me. Explain to me how ... how Laguna can be dead  
when I'm Laguna." I beg him. Please. Explain to me  
what you're saying. Explain to me why you're acting so  
crazy... and why it feels like everything you're  
saying.. is true.  
  
He takes a deep breath. "The people never knew you  
died. They.. the council decided..." he rested a hand  
against the wall. He suddenly looked so frail, so  
lost. "We were experimenting with cloning then.. they  
decided it would be best to clone Laguna."  
  
Clone?... I'm a.. clone?  
  
"They programmed you with all of Laguna's memories.  
They gave you his personality. They .. they -made- you  
into him. Even down to his obsession with me."   
  
Clone? Strange. Now that the word is out in the open,  
I feel numb. Not sick anymore. Not dizzy. Just numb.  
Like my entire body has just become ice. I remember a  
song I heard once that seems to suit this situation.  
'I think I'm a clone now, there's always two of me,  
just a hanging around.' I find I can't contain my  
laughter.  
  
Kiros whirls around, his eyes wide with shock. "You  
find this -funny-!"  
  
I shake my head slowly, trying to stem my laughter. I  
think, maybe, I'm just a little close to hysteria.  
"The only difference between now and when you were  
created.. is before you knew you were a clone. After  
you hit your head... you forgot." He's staring at me  
with this really hateful look.  
  
Does he hate me?  
  
Or just what I stand for?  
  
"You've gotta' be kidding." But I know he's not. A  
clone? Who woulda' thought? I guess there are worse  
things. He could have told me I was .. was originally  
a woman or something equally strange. I find myself  
laughing again.  
  
I can't help it. It's just... it just really strikes  
me as funny. "So.. uh..." I try to contain my  
laughter. He's looking really pissed and the last  
thing I want to do is make him angry with me. "So..  
what made you decide to tell me?"  
  
"Don't mess with Seifer." He growls softly, "The boy  
has enough problems. Falling in love with you... would  
be a mistake. For him, and for you."  
  
"I don't think that's why you told me... not  
entirely." I stare at his face. He looks.. flushed?  
"You're jealous.. aren't you?"  
  
His lip curls up in a snarl, "Jealous?! Hardly."  
  
He doesn't sound very convincing, and I think he knows  
it. "You said they made me into Laguna. Down to my  
obsession with you -and- my personality. I know I look  
like him... when you saw Seifer and I kissing.. you  
were jealous." Oh wow. My greatest dream finally comes  
true, but in such shitty circumstances. The gods hate  
me!  
  
"No." He denies quickly, but a little too quickly.  
  
"You -were- jeal-"  
  
"For a moment I forgot!" He snaps angrily. His eyes  
focus on me, their chocolate brown depths shimmering  
with repressed tears. "For a moment I forgot that  
you.. that you aren't -him-. For ... for just one,  
stupid moment, I forgot that... he's dead and I'll  
never see him again. Oh... gawd.." He buried his head  
in his hands again. "Oh gawd... I never got a  
chance... to tell him how I feel... to explain why I  
pushed him away..."  
  
His voice trails off. His emotion fills me. I can feel  
his pain so clearly... it's freaky. He whispers, so  
softly I almost don't hear, "I should have never  
pushed him away."  
  
"Why did you push him away?" I ask softly, my knees  
give way and suddenly I find myself sitting on the  
floor. Yep. Hysteria sounds good about now. Laugh.  
Cry. Scream. Go numb with shock. I'm pretty much  
experiencing the need to do all those things, at once.  
  
"I was frightened." Why is he telling me this? If he  
really does t.. believe that I'm not -his- Laguna...  
why is he telling me? Maybe he just needs to get it  
off his chest. I get the impression, somehow, that he  
hasn't told anyone how he felt.. how he feels. He  
falls to his knees. We stare at each other across the  
room.  
  
"Frightened of what?" I say softly, raising my voice  
just enough so that he'll hear.  
  
"Of how much I needed him. How much I loved him."  
  
"Kiros?"  
  
He tilts his head. Those tears are so close to the  
surface that his eyes are pools of black.   
  
Seifer told me to tell him how it feels.... even now,  
knowing I'm a clone I... he needs to know.. after all,  
my feelings... my feelings are real.. aren't they?  
  
"I love you." 


	11. Chapter Ten

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
  
||Chapter Ten||  
  
  
  
He's kissing me.  
  
I'm not sure how it happened. I told him that I loved  
him and then suddenly he was across the room and  
kissing me. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong,  
it's just... really sudden. A little -too- sudden for  
my taste.   
  
Despite all this, I return the kiss eagerly. His  
tongue plays with my lips and I open them, giving him  
access to the inside of my mouth. This feels so good.  
So right. His hands are busy, pulling off my clothes  
and caressing my skin. I know what he wants, and I  
don't resist. I'd be a fool to resist. After all, this  
is what I wanted all along... isn't it?  
  
He pushes me down, so I'm lying on the floor. His  
weight feels so nice. I wrap my arms around his waist  
and pull his hips into mine. We both groan at the  
delicious sensation this creates. I want him so bad. I  
want him -now-.  
  
"Now... god Kiros... now..." I pant into his mouth.  
  
It doesn't come out -quite- like that, but you try  
talking when you've got someone else's tongue in your  
mouth. It's not that easy. He understands me, so it  
doesn't matter anyway. His lips make a path down my  
face. They travel past my neck to my nipples. He licks  
at them, but we both need more. And we both need it  
now.  
  
He moves further down. Oh gawd... The warmth of his  
mouth surrounds me and I'm... I'm past heaven. If  
there's anything past heaven.... I'm not sure if there  
is but... oh gawd... oh ... sweet...  
  
sweet sensation..  
  
I've never felt anything this -wonderful- in my entire  
life!  
  
"Please... please.."  
  
He knows what I'm begging for... and he doesn't let me  
down.  
  
  
  
He's holding me so close... I sigh contentedly,  
turning my face against his chest. My body is sore..  
I've never been... I've never been loved like that  
before in my life. I feel my cheeks heating as I think  
of the rough way he took me. He didn't hurt me, in  
fact he was gentle at first. He knew I'd never been  
with anyone before, so he took it easy. But after...  
after he was in me and I started to adjust...  
  
Wow... and I thought -I- was desperate.  
  
He proved to me just now that there are people out  
there even more sexually deprived than I am...  
  
But I'm not complaining! Really I'm not. I loved  
every, blessed moment of it. I would do it again,  
willingly, if I wasn't so damned sore.  
  
His arm tightens around my shoulders. "Did I hurt  
you?" He asks softly.  
  
All I can do is purr. I don't think I could speak if  
my life depended on it. I snuggle closer to him and  
close my eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispers, kissing the  
top of my head softly, "I.. I shouldn't have..."  
  
Damn. Why does he have to ruin this perfect moment  
with regrets and word... regrets? Oo... OH man... I  
feel the tears gathering in my eyes before I can stop  
them. We share.. we share something so beautiful and  
he -regrets- it... Anything I've ever felt in my life  
... has never hurt like this knowledge does.  
  
I have to get out of here.  
  
I have to.. before... before I make a bigger fool of  
myself then I already have.  
  
I pull away from him and hurriedly crawl around the  
room, grabbing my clothes and pulling them on.  
"Laguna?" He sits up and watches with a puzzled frown,  
"Lag-"  
  
"I'm not Laguna! Remember?" I snap. I can't look at  
him. If I do he'll see the tears. I can't afford to  
let him see the tears. Despite the ass he's being...  
Kiros is a caring person. If he sees my tears he'll  
pity me and lie... in the hopes that I'll calm down. I  
don't want anymore lies. Even if the truth hurts... I  
want it.  
  
"Laguna." He whispers, his voice is pained. "I.."  
  
"Dammit! And people say I talk too much..." I growl,  
pulling on my pants and getting to my feet. I don't  
bother finding my shoes. I'm in the garden for pities  
sake.. not like I'll step on a nail or anything.   
  
"Wait, Laguna!"  
  
He's getting to his feet. I don't give him a chance to  
stop me. I leave the room as quickly as I can without  
running. "Shit, shit, shit." I whisper as the tears  
begin to sneak out of my eyes and down my cheeks.  
  
Not Laguna... I'm not Laguna, the man he loves. Then  
why the hell did he fuck me? Doesn't he realize...  
doesn't he realize how that made me feel? How much  
-more- I love him now that... I've shared something...  
so beautiful with him? Oh christ... I just wanna' curl  
up in some corner and die.  
  
I hear movements behind the door and walk away. He'll  
probably try to come after me, but I can't see him. I  
can't speak to him. Not now... maybe not ever.  
  
I rush down the hall. Where can I go? Where can I be  
alone? There's only one place I can think of, where  
Kiros wouldn't find me. So I head there, praying that  
Kid Wonder will.. not ask questions.  
  
  
  
The 'secret place' in the training grounds. Only the  
students know of it... and me. I know about it, but  
only because Kid took me here. The place is pretty  
much deserted, and I'm glad. Kid is sitting near the  
edge of the cliff, just staring off into space. He  
hears me coming and looks up. "He told you." He says,  
his eyes narrow on the tears on my cheeks.  
  
"Yeah..." I shove my hands into my pockets and step  
towards him. Comfort.... will he offer me the comfort  
I so desperately need right now? I'm not sure. I don't  
really know him that well... do I? "You knew?"  
  
"From the moment they made the switch." Kid shrugs,  
"Squall told me."  
  
"Squall?" I whisper, a big, thick, lump filling my  
throat and making it hard to breathe. Squall... he's  
not my son... is he?  
  
"He knows. They couldn't not tell him, though I'm sure  
they would have preferred to keep it to themselves.  
Squall wasn't too happy to find out they'd cloned his  
father..." Kid's eyes are fixed on me as I stumble  
towards him a few steps.  
  
I don't care about the clone part. Not really anyway.  
It doesn't... hurt, or confuse me as much as Kiros  
does. Why can't he love me? If I'm ... just like -his-  
Laguna, the one he did love... why can't he love me?  
But.. but do I really want him to love me because I  
look, act and seem like his Laguna?  
  
"They all forgot something..." Kid says softly.  
  
"Wh-what?" I whisper, sinking to my knees and meeting  
his gaze through a haze of tears.  
  
"They all forgot, during their research and  
experiments, that you're human too. They made sure  
that you were, they just forgot." He's moving towards  
me... or am I moving towards him? I don't know  
anymore, and I really don't care. Kiros... oh Kiros...  
why?  
  
"But.... Kiros... he..."  
  
"He hates all that you stand for, and yet he loves  
everything you are." Kid whispers. He reaches out and  
takes my hands in his own, "He's hurting too Laguna.  
Perhaps more than any of us could even begin to  
imagine."  
  
I meet Kid's eyes. "You said you love me." My skin  
prickles as I prepare to ask the next question. If he  
gives me the answer I'm expecting... I'm not sure what  
I'll do, "Do you love -me-? or... or Laguna?"  
  
"I never had any feelings for Laguna." Kid's lip tilt  
up in a gentle smile, "You were modelled after him,  
but you're not him. It's you I love. It's you."  
  
"... I'm sorry."  
  
We both look up with surprise. I hadn't heard Kiros  
approaching and yet there he is, standing over us.  
Damn. I forgot that this is where he found Kid and I  
last time. "I'm... so sorry." He looks haggard. Tired  
and... and so pained.  
  
This is all so crazy. I squeeze Kid's hands tighter as  
he starts to pull them away. "He's right. We did  
forget that you're... you're a human being too. A  
person with feelings... and emotions. Who could love,  
hate and.. and feel pain just like the rest of us.  
Everytime you'd look at me... look at me like Laguna  
used to, I... I hated it. Because I thought it wasn't  
you... it was just what we'd programmed into you."  
Kiros says carefully, his voice is soft, melodic.  
  
I'm shaking. So hard my teeth are chattering. My hair  
is standing on end again. Kiros crouches down on his  
heels so he can look me in the eye. "I realized,  
just.. just after you ran out... that I can't... I  
can't lose another person I care about without telling  
them just how much they mean to me." Oh no... I feel  
my stomach tightening.  
  
"I loved Laguna."  
  
Erm... that doesn't sound right... His eyes are warm.  
He smiles, hesitantly.  
  
"And I -do- love you."  
  
I'm in heaven...  
  
and then everything goes black. 


	12. Chapter Eleven and Epilogue

~Stupify~  
  
  
  
||Chapter Eleven||  
  
  
  
I wake when something wet touches my cheek. Confused I  
blink my eyes open and stare up at Kiros.. and Seifer?  
What the hell? How did he get here? What is he doing  
in Esthar... wait?... I'm not in Esthar. Confused, I  
sit up and look around. "You're awake." Kiros' voice  
breaks as he reaches up and cups my cheeks in his  
hands. He looks like he's been crying.. but why would  
he be crying?  
  
Where am I? What's going on? The last thing I remember  
is... is kissing Kiros, but he pushed me away and I  
must have passed out. Erg. How embarassing. I feel my  
cheeks heating. And now he's sitting here, so close to  
me, holding my face in his hands. "K-Kiros? What's...  
what's going on?" I stutter, glancing from Seifer,  
back to Kiros.  
  
Kiros frowns. His hands drop to my shoulders. He looks  
at Seifer. The two share a look, then two sets of  
worried eyes focus on me. Ah! I hate being the center  
of attention. It makes me nervous. "Where are we?" I  
look around curiously, I really don't remember this  
place. It looks like a park or something.  
  
"You're at Balamb Garden... Laguna... what is the last  
thing you remember?" Seifer asks softly. His voice  
makes me shiver. There's something about that voice.  
It's incredibly sexy. I glance at him out of the  
corner of my eye. Down boy! Down! I tell my rebellious  
body, but it doesn't listen... of course.  
  
I'm turning into such a sick pervert. Ah well. There  
are worse things. I could be attracted to females....  
  
"Well uh.... Kiros and I were... uh... in my office in  
Esthar.." I know I'm blushing. Damn. If it was dark  
out my red face would light up the area.  
  
"And you kissed me. I pushed you away? Is that the..  
last thing you remember?" Kiros asks softly, his voice  
hitching strangely.  
  
"Um.." Since when has Kiros been blunt? He's got this  
really odd expression on his face. He looks.. hopeful?  
"Y-yeah..."  
  
Kiros sighs deeply, his eyes slide shut. His hands  
squeeze my shoulders so hard it's almost painful.  
Seifer shakes his head slowly, "All right..."  
  
"A lot has happened since then Laguna." Kiros  
whispers, he opens his eyes and he's smiling. I've  
never seen him smile like that before. That silly,  
joyful smile makes my stomach lurch. I wanna' kiss  
him. I start to lean towards him and quickly stop  
myself, remembering what happened last time I kissed  
him.  
  
"Why.. why can't I remember?" I ask him softly, more  
to divert my attention than anything else. Right now,  
I don't really care. I just want to kiss Kiros  
silly... or maybe kiss myself silly?... does that make  
sense? I suppose not. But then I don't make sense very  
often. Kiros complains about it bitterly... heh...  
  
"You were... surprised by something and passed out.  
You hit your head on a rock when you landed. You had  
another head injury a few days ago and I think this  
new bump just wiped your memory..." Kiros' hands trail  
into my hair. He cradles the back of my head, his  
fingers brushing a sore spot near my neck.  
  
I wince in pain. He quickly pulls his fingers away. I  
glance at his fingers and shudder in horror. "I'm..  
bleeding?" Ah shit. I can't stand blood. Especially MY  
blood. Ugh...  
  
Kiros quickly wipes his hand on the grass. "Just calm  
down. You'll be all right."  
  
"We should get him to the doctor." Seifer says  
quietly.  
  
"Right." Kiros stands, pulling me to my feet as he  
does. Suddenly he bends down and I find my feet in the  
air. Surprised I look at Kiros with wide eyes.  
  
"Wh-why are you carrying me?" I stutter, embarassed  
and yet delighted at this strange move.  
  
"Because I want to." Kiros says, he's smiling warmly  
at me, and my brain shuts down.  
  
"Before we go... Laguna... I love you."  
  
"wh-what?" I'm hearing things. I MUST be hearing  
things.  
  
"I. Love. You." Kiros repeats, placing a soft kiss on  
my forehead. Then he started to walk and I had no  
chance to respond intelligently... not that I could  
respond intelligently if I -did- have the chance.  
  
I'm not known for being intelligent.  
  
Seifer follows us to the infirmary.  
  
And I'm left to wonder why.  
  
  
  
||Epilogue||  
  
  
  
He's happy now. Blissfully unaware of all that's gone  
on. He still doesn't know the truth. Kiros hasn't told  
him and he hasn't remembered, but maybe that's for the  
best. I watch them, playing across the room, and I  
curse the pain in my heart. Every time I see him... it  
gets worse. I do love him. More than I've loved anyone  
before in my life.  
  
I didn't think I could love.  
  
He showed me differently.  
  
Kiros better be good to him. If he ever hurts Laguna  
again.... I'll kill him. Slowly, painfully... I'll  
make him suffer. If it wasn't for the fact that Laguna  
was so head over heels for Kiros... I would have  
claimed Laguna for myself. But he is in love with  
Kiros, more than he knows. And he would be miserable  
with me... I would never be enough.  
  
It doesn't matter. All that matters is that he's happy  
now. I'm glad he's happy.... I am... really... I sigh  
and stare down into my cup. Then why do I feel so  
miserable?  
  
"Do you think he'll remember?"  
  
I glance up with surprise. Squall is standing by the  
table, staring across the room at his father. "I  
dunno'. If he keeps being the klutz he is... chances  
are he'll hit his head so much he'll never have a  
chance to remember." I respond, trying to sound  
casual. Squall... he's a lot like his father. Same  
hair... same eyes...  
  
Squall chuckles. ?? What the fuck? I don't think I've  
ever heard him chuckle. Or laugh. Or seen him smile. I  
stare at him with surprise. He smiles back at me,  
"This seat taken?" he gestures and I nod.  
  
I don't want company... why did I nod?  
  
He sits down beside me and my stomach lurches. I  
glance across the room at Laguna, then I look back at  
Squall.... He's looking at me strangely... Wait. I  
recognize that look. He's looking at me the way Laguna  
is always looking at Kiros. Ah shit....   
  
Like father, like son, I suppose.  
  
I gaze down into my cup. The dark liquid is constantly  
moving. Even when I'm not. It's strange. It's  
fascinating. It intriques me. But it doesn't take my  
mind off the situation at hand.   
  
I have a choice.  
  
I look over at Laguna. I can pine over him for the  
rest of my life... or..  
  
I look at Squall, who's still staring at me with that  
expression. I have the feeling that if we were alone  
he'd gladly jump me. Not that I'd mind...  
  
I've always been a selfish bastard.  
  
Love or no love, I'd fuck him in a second....  
  
But is that what I want?  
  
He's speaking to me now, but I don't pay attention.  
All right... Laguna, if Kiros ever screws you over I  
swear I'll be there... but I can't pine in the  
meantime.  
  
And I think...  
  
just maybe...  
  
I could fall for your son....  
  
  
  
  
||THE END|| 


End file.
